Rhymes we didn't hear as kids

[bobbynaughty1]

Hi, I'm new here. Here are some reworked nursery rhymes that I hope will generate some laughs. They're from http://office-humour.co.uk/item/8681. Just a sample.

Mary had a little pig
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
she shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Jack and Jil went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a Mercedes.

And here's an original:

Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her and said
"Hey kid, that stuff will give you the runs!"

Anyone else care to try?

[TheSitterStacie]

LOL those are great, that poor poor pig lol.

[DommyMommyScarlet]

Thanks for the laugh Bobby, I will have to think about some of these.

[MommieSara]

Thank you those a so much fun!

[NannyBrenda]

I'm so happy that I went looking through some old posts! These rhymes are funny, though not mommy-approved for some little babies.