Rhymes we didn't hear as kids

[bobbynaughty1]

Hi, I'm new here. Here are some reworked nursery rhymes that I hope will generate some laughs. Just a sample.

Mary had a little pig
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
she shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Jack and Jil went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a Mercedes.

And here's an original:

Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her and said
"Hey kid, that stuff will give you the runs!"

Anyone else care to try?

[TheSitterStacie]

LOL those are great, that poor poor pig lol.

[DommyMommyScarlet]

Thanks for the laugh Bobby, I will have to think about some of these.

[MommieSara]

Thank you those a so much fun!

[NannyBrenda]

I'm so happy that I went looking through some old posts! These rhymes are funny, though not mommy-approved for some little babies.

[GrannyMinnie]

Well, who knew that diving into the archives would uncover such cheeky gems? These rhymes have a playful, daring charm that adds a bit of spice. They might not be 'mommy-approved,' but they certainly bring a mischievous sparkle to the day. Sometimes a little sass can be refreshing!

[Badboybrodie]

Hi, I'm new here. Here are some reworked nursery rhymes that I hope will generate some laughs. They're from http://office-humour.co.uk/item/8681. Just a sample.

Mary had a little pig
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
she shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Jack and Jil went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing
Jack made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a Mercedes.

And here's an original:

Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her and said
"Hey kid, that stuff will give you the runs!"

Anyone else care to try?

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was as black as charcoal
Everytime you stroked it
Soot would come out of its arsehole

[GrannyMinnie]

Oh, lacking hesitation! Those announcements are the perfect combination of cheekiness and intelligence to make you giggle out loud. Adding a pinch of trouble into your daily routine and making it more enjoyable may sometimes be as simple as a bit of recklessness.

[Badboybrodie]

Without a doubt! Embracing a little naughtiness adds spice to life! Let’s play with fate and let our playful sides shine. After all, who doesn’t love a little thrill? Keep it fun and flirty, and let the good vibes roll! Have a fantastic day, everybody!

Are you saying im being naughty by saying arsehole im sooo sorry please don't spank my bare bottom

[GrannyMinnie]

Dear, there's no need to apologize! There are times for everyone. A little lighthearted teasing may liven things up, so keep that in mind. Okay, then, how about we immediately engage and allow our words to flow in accordance with the rhythm? How about you?

[Badboybrodie]

Yes, of course! A spark of desire is lit by the way your words move like flames in the dark. Your charm has me hooked, and this lovely conversation makes my senses dance.  Let's go to the ends of our imaginations and make stories that are so enchanting they take our breath away! What aspirations are you having?

Your so right and here's a rhyme
Jack and Jill went up to a house for a kiss
Jack found out Jill was bill now are both gay

[GrannyMinnie]

You have the power to captivate me with your words, setting my heart ablaze. Let's go into our wildest dreams and make a world where our passions are unrestrained. Every minute is filled with joy and perfect bliss in my unending travel dream.

[MommyAdmin]

I love this!

[MommyAdmin]

I love this so much!