Phone A Mommy

Have any of you ever lived with someone who has severe depression? I am right now and I am finding it so hard. Everything about her is very selfish and the world revolves around her pain. And I don't know know how to maintain myself while dealing with her constant me, me, me mentality.

I love my roommate very much but it is getting more than I can take?

Have you guys dealt with this matter before? How did you manage. Advice from you all would be so appreciated. I know many of you have lived through so much.

Luv,

Mommy Star

oo thats a hard one Mommy Star.. I guess yes I have lived with people like that over the years.. but I have also been that person too. It is kind of hard to see outside of ones self when in a depression, so i guess i can relate to what your flatmate is doing with the me me me view.. that said it is very unhealthy.. especially to friendships which you are finding out as the friend.

The people I have lived with and known who have sufferred depression generally recovered quite well and all I offerred them was an ear. Often all a depressed person needs to do is voice their problem to find a way around or to understand what it is that is bothering them. As a person who is around them, the best you can do is be there for them when they need you. That is to say do your normal things, live life to the fullest and if they ask for your assistance, give it to them.

One other thing i find is.. when they do start opening up,, dont offer advice straight away.. and if offering advice.. guide them to it instead of telling them what to do. No one likes to be told what to do (makes us feel like imbeciles).

As for their depression getting too much for you at times, sometimes we all must make our own space. Make it clear where your lines are, take time out for yourself when you need it. it isnt abandoning them, it is just keeping yourself sane, for depressed people enjoy the company of others who have lost hope too. It isnt a crime to remove yourself from their company if you feel you have nothing to offer, just dont abandon the friendship you have with them for depression really is a form of sickness and sometimes it is easy to forget that there is still that person you love and enjoy being around within them.

umm well i am rambling a bit.. but ummm i hope something amongst this has been of help.

lots of love and hugs for you and your flatmate.
Glen xxx

Star,
I'm really sorry you are having this rough time with your roommate.Is there a cycle to her moods? I mean have you witnessed this depression with her before? The only advice I really have is to be there for them while not enabling them. If she is one that just crashes into herself and won't go to do things. Do not do her laundry, errands.In the end it isn't good for her.I learned that the hard way with a family member of mine. It just promotes isolation.
If you need us to vent to or talk with, we are here Star.

Star I am sorry to hear that you are having these issues with your roommate but I am so glad you are trying to help them instead of shrugging them off My best advice would be to do the best you can to get themm some hel either to a psychiatrist or a doctor. i have spoken with people very close to manic depression and it usually takes some measure of medical help, along with being there as much as possible, when she is ready, she will open up, maybe to you, maybe to someone else but know that you helped her get to that point and be sure to be there for her as much as possible when it happens.

best of luck,

Sara

I am so sorry Star. Depression is an awful thing, it not effects those that have it, but those near and dear around them. It seems that she is looking for pity because she is depressed, and I have to agree with Scarlet. Giving in and doing everything for her is not the answer. It enables her to go further into her depressive state. Tell her, I love you, and you know I care deeply for you and that is why I will not stand by and watch you slip further away from me. Also, let her know what she is doing to you by being the way she is being. Sometimes if there is recognition on their part of what pain they are causing others they try to come out of it. If they keep moving in a downward spiral of depression, you should get them some help. Even if it's calling a 1-800 number to speak to someone; I know sometimes it takes a great effort to even move out of bed sometimes when someone is depressed, so this might be a better way to at least start them talking.

I hope she comes around, I will keep her in my prayers as well as you. I wish I was there to give her a hug and let her know that it is going to be okay, because it will, it just takes some time.

All My Love and Friendship,
Stacie

Hello Mommy Star! I am very sorry about your roommate! I would have to side with baby Glen on this one, because I too have seen this happen and also been the one that depression has happened to. One thing I would suggest (to help yourself cope) would be to take her depression and use it as motivation. I know, some of you are probably thinking, 'what the heck is she talking about?' but seriously, if you can take her current situation and look at it from her piont of view....(but, don't forget to come back out!!)....You can start to appreciate YOUR life and be more comfortable in your own skin. After that happens, then you will be more efficiently able and WILLING to help her with her life.
I'm not saying to let it be known to her that you are using her depression as a motivation for you, that would only put her more into despair, but just lend an ear for an hour or two, put yourself in her shoes for a moment, and then you can start to see more clearly on what the problem really is, and how you can make it better.
Geezze, I've said alot, and I hope you can make sense of it. but, I really am sorry about your room mate. Just give her lots of support. Hopefully she will come back out to the "light".

I have a lot of mixed feelings on this topic.

On the one hand..... I have suffered from "depression" on and off for most of my life, with it really becoming intence within the last few years.

However, I don't consider it to be a "mental illness".

I believe that most of what is called "depression", is just having a normal reaction to a "bad hand", that life has given you.

For example, Thomas Jefferson, 3rd President of the US, and "founding father", lost 4 kids, and his wife, through child birth. 4 kids and a wife, DEAD through the natural process of birth in the 18th Centuary.

Was he "depressed"? Did he suffer from a "mental illness"?

There were some days he could not get out of bed, or socialize with anyone. Yet, he always pulled himself together and went on to.....

(1) Write the Declaration of Independance 1776.

(2) Be Ambassdor to France 1780 to 1785.

(3) Become the third President of the U.S. 1800 to 1808

If he were alive today, he would probably be called, "manic-depressive", and be proscribed tons of powerful drugs, to make him "feel better", and "cope" with his "depression".

But is that the right thing to do?

I'm not saying that some people don't need help.

My only point is that I believe that a whole lot of normal, human feelings are being called "depression", or "mental illness", and treated with drugs that have only been around from a few years.

What are the long-term effects of such drug use?

What are the long term effects of a society that labels natural, normal human feelings of despair and saddness "mental illness" or "depression"??

Just my "thinking out side of the box".

And also very helpful. You really did a service with your reply. Psychology and mental illnesses are just in the beginnings of being understood.
Some people have a genetic predispostion to depression, while in others it's circumstantial. And it can of course be a combination of both.
It is still very difficult to deal with from either the sufferer or the people that associate with the depressed individual.