October 13, 2008
Being the sister
October 15, 2008
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What We Believed as Children

Some of us were told things by parents, grandparents or siblings to either scare us, or get us to stop doing something. Here are a few things some parents, siblings and friends told their sons, daughters and friends. I found most of these quite funny.

1. My dad was magic! When we would drive on the freeway in the rain, if he concentrated really hard he could stop the rain, but then one of us kids would mess up his concentration and it would begin again.
I only realized many years later that we were driving under overpasses!

2. This belief is now something of a family tradition.

My mother, who was never the greatest of chefs, told me (and all my siblings) when i was small that if i didn’t eat all my supper, “the children who eat poo” would come & get me.

The children who eat poo are a bunch of naughty children who also wouldent eat thier supper & now live on the streets with nothing to eat but poo! They were like a gang of poo eating street punks.

as my mother was a self employed courier sometimes when i was in the car with her she would point to dumpsters & say thats where the children who eat poo live.

needless to say, washing the dishes in our house was never a big chore…we practically licked them clean.

3. I used to believe that my older cousin always carried these green pink & white candies in her purse & i used to sneek in there & eat a couple of them come to find out years later that they were birth control pills.

4. I used to believe that the ridges on the roof of my mouth spelled out “MADE IN JAPAN” just like the words on the bottom of my doll’s foot.

5. I used to believe that one foot was better than the other. The sheets on my bed were always messed up in the morning because my feet had been fighting during the night trying to prove that one was better than the other.

6. My sister told me that, unless I did a song and a dance after I had a poo the Toilet Monster would come and get me…

the song went “Ugga Bugga Ugga Bugga Ugga Bugga Ug, Toilet Monster please don’t come”

bitch.

7. When I was in Primary school, our teacher used to explain some things by starting a sentence with “When I was a little boy…”

Damn you Mrs Hudson, I thought that when I grew up I’d turn into a woman!!!!!!

8. When I was a nipper my older sister, by seven years, used to tell me that sometimes the Tooth Fairy got drunk and took an eye by mistake.
Gave me nightmares for months.

9. I once told my mother when I was 4 years old that I was going to marry my 4 year old ‘boyfriend’, Mikey and that our children would be named Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. When she told me we were too young, I said “No, we’re not! I already know all the cuss words!” We later held a secret ceremony in the woods behind our houses that involved peeing on a turtle and an ant hill. If only more weddings involved peeing on turtles…

I hope you enjoyed these as much as I did.

Candy
1-888-430-2010

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