Dropped both of my "friends" (here's why)

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Diapers4Ever
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Dropped both of my "friends" (here's why)

Post by Diapers4Ever »

It started last Monday when Jack called me, asking if I was free on Monday (the Monday of two days ago). I told him I was and he asked me if I wanted to come down there. I said "Sure", but not really all that excited about it since the last time we saw each other, he'd given me a cold that lasted three weeks (See 'My "friends" are driving me crazy'...yeah, it's the same guy. :lol:).

He called Roman and confirmed with him that he wasn't working. Roman confirmed he wasn't, so, as far as we knew, the plan was a go.

Lucas (Jack's brother) called me, asking if I could get together with him Monday and I'd told him that I had plans with Jack, that he'd invited Roman and I to his place. Lucas said "Okay, no problem" and we'd both hung up.

About two days later, Jack calls me asking if I told Lucas that we were going to his place. I lied and said "no" (because the last time something like this happened, Jack didn't know I'd said anything to Lucas, but tricked me into telling him, so I thought it was just that...a trick to get me to rat Lucas out), but I found out that Lucas accidentally told Jack about what I'd told Lucas (which was okay with me, since Jack ticks me off anyway...lol...more on that later)

When I'd told Jack that I never told Lucas anything, Jack assumed Roman talked to Lucas and, in his words, "blabbed" about what we were doing Monday.

I'd told Jack I gave Roman's number to Lucas and Jack acts like I let out secret military plans or something...I explained to him that Roman is friends with Lucas too, so I felt Lucas deserved to have Roman's phone number (even though Jack and Roman spend more time together, the interesting thing is Jack and Roman would never have been friends at all had it not been for me meeting Lucas at a different school and introducing him to Roman).

Jack called Roman and Roman said he never talked to Lucas about this, so Jack's naturally confused. lol

I'd asked Jack why he didn't want Lucas to know what we were doing and he'd said "Because if he knows what we're doing, then he'll want to come along." I said, "Yeah...so what's the problem?" He said, "Because he never knows when to leave."

Now, personally, I have to defend Lucas here. He's been over at my house many, many times and I can't think of a single time when I've actually had to ask him myself to leave (it happened several times before, but that was over three years ago; Lucas's definitely changed now).

I'd said to Jack, "Why don't you just tell him how you feel?" Jack said, "Do you know how cold that would be?" (something to that extent, I didn't really catch the exact wording)

I started thinking, "So you would rather freeze your own brother out of your life than tell him how he makes you feel? To me, that seems a lot colder."

Anyway, Jack was trying to get us to spend the night at his place, but, in all honesty, I didn't really want to since Jack kind of makes me uncomfortable (more on that later as well).

Roman said that he could, but he'd have to find someone to cover his shift on Tuesday, and Jack said "No problem."

Roman had also told me about his plan for someone to cover his shift on Tuesday and, since he was working with said employee on Sunday night, I called him and asked him what was going on. He said he doesn't know yet.

I called him again at 12:30 AM and asked him if he knew anything. He jumped down my throat and said, "Wow, you really don't wanna spend the night at Jack's do you?" I'd told him that wasn't the case (even though it was...lol) and I'd said I simply wanted to know so I could tell my mother about it (since she's the one who mainly wanted to know). He said he'd let me know at 9:30 AM when he called me.

I said "No problem." and hung up with him.

He called me at 9:30 AM to wake me up (little does he know, I was up at 7:50 AM...lol) and I'd asked him (yet again) about his shift on Tuesday. He said he still didn't know (but the tone he was using sounded like he was irritated about me asking, even though I'd told him earlier why I was so desperate in knowing the answer. He said that he was giving his co-worker Jack's number, so he could call him when we found out. I said "Okay, no problem."

Roman showed up at 10 AM (even though he said he'd be calling me at 9:30 AM, I'd presumed he was ready for that particular time...wrong...lol) We took the 112 West Mall bus to Kipling station, then to Main Street station (yeah, I was surprised at a station named "Main Street" myself...lol); we hopped the 113 to Birchmount Road and met up with Jack at about 12:30-ish. He'd bought us both hot chocolates (which was nice...very uncharacteristic for him) and we'd gone to his place.

That's when it pretty much started goin' downhill.

Jack's got Xbox 360 so we were pretty much playing "WWE: Smackdown v.s. Raw 2008" almost the entire time we were there (so...figure about 16 hours). And Jack's the kinda guy that always wants to face one of us, never on the same team (even though we've actually got a team with the three of us on it, he'd rather face us individually for whatever reason). His created girl was facing my created girl for my Women's belt, and (good for me) I beat her. lol

He wanted a rematch. I said "Fine." Then he beat me and started gloating about it.

After that, he'd decided to put his World Championship title on the line and he faced against me. He beat me and, the entire night, would not stop gloating that he was "The Champ"...*sighs*

Not to mention the fact that every time Jack would do that, I'd get ticked off. Instead of Roman telling Jack not to piss me off, Roman's talking down to me like I'm some kind of child and telling me to "relax".

Coupled with the fact that I couldn't call my mom because I was not sure of the time (since there were only two clocks in the entire house, neither of which in our immediate line of sight, so I had absolutely no idea what time it was and I didn't have a clue of knowing whether she was back from working at her job or if she'd gone to work at her other job or what...), Roman was also trying to get his Tuesday shift traded with another employee so we could spend the night.

As I said earlier, he'd mentioned this to me Sunday night at around 8 PM, so I'd called him around 12:30 AM (after I knew he'd be home) and asked him "Did you get an answer about Tuesday?" He said, "No, not yet; I gave him Jack's number so he could call me tomorrow and then I'd know." It really bugged me not knowing 'cause I was gonna tell my mom and let her know, but since he didn't know, I was forced to be kept in the dark over it.

He called again at 4-ish and found out from one of the other employees that Mitch (the guy Roman was supposed to trade his shift with) traded shifts again and was coming in at 8 PM instead, so I had to keep waiting.

Finally, 8 PM rolled around and Roman called Blockbuster at 8:30 PM, wanting to speak to Mitch. He said that he'd have to talk to his mother about it and she was supposed to call him "sometime before the store closed" (so before midnight), but the thing was, since we were supposed to leave at 11 PM so we could catch the bus and subway, Roman called back and found out at around 10:30 PM, so I was forced to spend the night there.

Another friggin' disaster...

I had to deal with Jack's constant gloating, the two of them "razzing" me back and forth, not to mention the fact that after I'd gotten up in the morning (Jack was nice enough to let me use his bed to sleep in, so that was another uncharacteristic thing on his part), Jack had gone into his room to sleep and Roman was asleep on the couch.

So with Jack sleeping in the other room and Roman sleeping on the couch (and the loveseat being too small for me), there was no way I was gonna get any more sleep in that situation.

Once Roman woke up, him and I talked for a bit (which was actually surprisingly okay, he seems fine when he doesn't have Jack pulling his strings), then he passed out again. He woke up and, at 11:30 AM, suggested I "give Jack a poke" and wake him up. I'd agreed with him, then, out of nowhere, he mentions that "It's his house; he can sleep as late as he wants"...:roll: (I'd mentioned to Roman that I wanted to leave early, but Roman would've rather waited for Jack to get up first...for whatever reason)

Jack woke up and the three of us went to Tim Horton's. Roman offered to buy me a sandwich, but the last time that happened, those two complained as to why I didn't get any lettuce on it (whatever...:roll:) [I'd explained to the two of them that lettuce makes me gag, but they didn't believe it], so, rather than risk another discussion/argument, I passed on lunch. Although he insisted he buy me a hot chocolate, so I said fine.

After we left Tim Horton's, Roman noticed I had one hand on my pants, pulling them up. He asked me where my belt was, and I told him it was in my pocket. He said "Why?" I'd explained to him that it was tight against my waist and digging into my skin. He suggested losening it, but the tone he said it in made it seem like he thought I was a moron for not figuring this out sooner.

That's when I got mad.

I told him that I was tired of him constantly talking down to me and treating me like a child and telling me things in a sort of condescending tone. He explained that the reason for his tone was not because he thought I was a moron, but because, to him, it was common sense.

I'd explained to him that it just wasn't common sense to me, and he (seemed) to accept that.

I barely said two words to him the whole ride home (bus and subway).

We were dropped off in front of my house, he went home and so did I.

He wants to get together sometime this week, but, in all honesty? I'm burned out right now on both of 'em.

After I'd gotten home, I called Lucas and he had asked me how the two treated me. I explained everything to him and he said that he would talk to both of them about it (what a guy, huh? hehe). :D He'd also mentioned that when I was out, he'd called my mom, looking for me, but she'd mentioned that I was over at Jack's. He'd said that the two of them had a lengthy phone call (which was rare, since the two of them usually only talk for 30 seconds...lol) and they were discussing the fact that Roman and Jack both tend to treat me like crap when they're together. Lucas indicated to my mother that Roman's become more of a prick (his words...lol) since he started hanging out with Jack more, and my mom agreed. My mom said that Roman's fine when he's not with Jack, but when the two of them are together, Roman's personality almost completely changes.

The point is: I'd gone down to Jack's, hoping that he'd changed for the better...I was wrong. :roll:

Thanks for reading and dealing with my rant, everyone; I really appreciate it.

Any suggestions on how I can deal with this situation? :)
Last edited by Diapers4Ever on Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
DommyMommyScarlet
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Post by DommyMommyScarlet »

Personally I would look for friends with less drama going on. That is a lot of madness. Why did he care whether the other guy knew you were going to his house. That is just silly. Between the gloating (over a video game of all things) and the connets on why you don;t like lettuce (who cares, not like he greww it) I would be done with that.
Sometimes you have to distance yourself from people who stress you out. Friendsd aren't suposed to make you feel that way.
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

DommyMommyScarlet wrote:Personally I would look for friends with less drama going on. That is a lot of madness.
Yeah, and just think...that was only one day's worth. :lol:
Why did he care whether the other guy knew you were going to his house.
The reason he cared is because he was only wanting to spend time with the two of us, but part of me thinks that, if Lucas was there, then Jack would've felt even worse...since I'd have someone to back me up when I got mad at Jack and Roman for their insults against me. :wink:
Between the gloating (over a video game of all things) and the comments on why you don't like lettuce (who cares, not like he grew it) I would be done with that.
I agree with you 100%. The only reason I even thought of agreeing to meet up with Jack and Roman is simply because, the last time Jack and I had seen each other, he was a jerk. I thought, maybe, giving him time to cool off means he would've changed. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.
Sometimes you have to distance yourself from people who stress you out. Friends aren't supposed to make you feel that way.
Once again, I agree completely. :D

Thanks so, so much for the reply, Scarlett! :) I really appreciate it! :D

P.S. I hope you don't mind the spelling corrections I made to your post; it's just a little quirk I've got...:lol:
DommyMommyScarlet
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Post by DommyMommyScarlet »

Diapers4Ever wrote:
Thanks so, so much for the reply, Scarlet! :) I really appreciate it! :D

P.S. I hope you don't mind the spelling corrections I made to your post; it's just a little quirk I've got...:lol:
Not so long as you don't mind me removing the extra t from my name. :) I hope everything is going better.
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

DommyMommyScarlet wrote:Not so long as you don't mind me removing the extra t from my name. :)
:oops: I never even noticed that error. Me so sowwy! :)
DommyMommyScarlet wrote:I hope everything is going better.
Well, since then I haven't talked to either of 'em (nor have they called), so yeah, I'd say things are going better. :lol: :D

Although, Lucas called his brother and asked him if we'd gone down there on Monday (even though he knows he did) and his brother said I was wrong (which wasn't true; he knows we were there), so I'm left wondering why he never told him. :roll:
DommyMommyScarlet
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Post by DommyMommyScarlet »

It's ok, I think it will work out and you will find some people who don't try to bring you down. Nobody needs that. Have a great weekend.
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

Thanks for the reply, Scarlet! :D I really appreciate it! :D

Oh, and having a great weekend isn't gonna be a problem, no doubt! hehe My girlfriend and I are spending the entire weekend together and Sunday is our 4 year and 11 month anniversary! 8)

YAY!!!! :D

(On another note, I'm supposed to get together with Roman on Tuesday [I can handle him if he's not with Jack, so it should be okay], but we'll see how that goes. :roll:) :)
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

Just an update for you all:

Roman and I were supposed to get together Tuesday and I cleared my schedule for him (i.e. never left the house, waited for his call, never got together with my girlfriend) and he called me at 8 PM, saying that his boss wanted him to work early Wednesday morning, and he said he weighed his options and he couldn't do both. I understood and said "No problem". Asking me when I was free, I told him Wednesday and Thursday.

I forgot that my mother and I were going to go to dinner at my grandmother's house on Wednesday night (we get back by 8 PM, but I didn't feel I could do both dinner and deal with Roman), so I called Roman back and told him I was going to dinner at my grandmother's house. He said "We usually get together afterwards anyway." I said, "Yeah, I know...I just think Thursday would be better." A little offended, he said "Okay..." I said, "So I'll see you Thursday?" He said, "Yeah, sure." and we hung up.

He calls me back at 11:15 PM and apologizes for the way he talked to me, saying that he had no right since he's the one who broke the commitment first. I told him it wasn't a big deal (even though it was...lol) and, as far as we knew, we were getting together tonight. He told me to call him when I finished dinner and then I said "No problem." and we hung up.

Tonight came around; I finished dinner at 9 PM and called him, as planned. He told me that he was gonna pack up his stuff, then give me a call when he was ready to go. I said, "No problem."

About ten minutes later, he calls back and says that he changed his mind (again) and he wanted to get together Friday. I said "No problem."

I told my girlfriend about this whole thing (who's got a serious dislike for Roman and Jack because of the way they treated her (and us) throughout our relationship) and she told me, point-blank "Fridays are off-limits. If he can't keep a commitment, then he's got no right rescheduling."

I felt she had a point so I called Roman back.

I let him know that I thought Monday was better (since my girlfriend has the weekends off and that's really the only time we get to see each other for more than five hours) and he told me "I thought you were free on Friday." I'd said, "Yeah, I am; I just thought, since you get off work at 9 PM, Monday would be better since you're not working and we can get together earlier." He said Monday was no problem, so, as of now, it's scheduled for then.

Let's just hope he keeps his commitment and actually follows through on it.
Lauren
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Post by Lauren »

Why are you still hanging out with Roman anyway? Like Scarlet said, it is time to distance yourself from that drama.
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

Well, the thing is, Roman and I have known each other since the first grade. For the first half of my life, he's been a good friend so it's hard to just cut him loose when I look back on all that.

Not to mention that, when Roman's not around Jack, we actually have a decent time together.
Lauren
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Post by Lauren »

While I understand what you are saying, sometimes we outgrow our friends. What was once a great relationship has possibly morphed into something else. I had a friend much like Roman, and had known her for a very long time just like you and Roman. Eventually, I had to realize that she was not adding more negative energy to my life than positive energy.

Definitely not trying to tell you what to do. Just seems like Roman is not the "great friend" that he used to be. Also, he should treat you decently regardless of who else happens to be around.

Just when dealing with all of this, remember to put yourself first and your feelings first, then you will make the right decision :-)

Diapers4Ever wrote:Well, the thing is, Roman and I have known each other since the first grade. For the first half of my life, he's been a good friend so it's hard to just cut him loose when I look back on all that.

Not to mention that, when Roman's not around Jack, we actually have a decent time together.
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

Definitely not trying to tell you what to do.
Oh, no, of course not. hehe :D Please don't think I'm taking your advice as you bossing me around, because I'm definitely not. :)
Just seems like Roman is not the "great friend" that he used to be. Also, he should treat you decently regardless of who else happens to be around.
Yeah, I've noticed that, unfortunately. There are times when he can be a great guy and I'll think that he's become my best friend again, so I think I can tell him something in confidence. Then he goes behind my back and tells Jack, and that just really ticks me off. :evil:
Just when dealing with all of this, remember to put yourself first and your feelings first, then you will make the right decision :)
Thank you very, very much for the advice and suggestions, Mommy Lauren; it is truly appreciated! :D

As always, I'll keep you all updated on the scenario! :)
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Post by Lauren »

Thank you very, very much for the advice and suggestions, Mommy Lauren; it is truly appreciated! :D

As always, I'll keep you all updated on the scenario! :)

You are welcome!! Thanks for keeping us updated. I am sure you will figure out the right thing to do.
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

You are welcome!! Thanks for keeping us updated.
No problem!! I'm happy to! :D Talking about this with other people definitely helps me. :)
I am sure you will figure out the right thing to do.
I'm sure...eventually. hehe :)
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

Well, I knew it was inevitable...

Roman and I were planning on getting together tonight. He called a few times today to ask me if I was still okay for getting together. I'd said, "It kinda depends on you." Then he jokingly said, "No, actually, it depends on you." I'd jokingly reminded him about the time when we were supposed to get together last week and he bailed on me and he laughed it off, now knowing what I was referring to. He'd said that he was fine for getting together tonight, I'd told him I was too, and he told me to call him when I was finished with my dinner. I said that was no problem.

I called him at about 8:30 PM and told him I was finished. He'd said, "Okay, let me just pack up my stuff and I'll call you when I'm ready." I'd said, "Okay, no problem; talk to you then." I had a feeling he was actually coming over this time, but after last time, you can bet I wasn't holding my breath.

He'd come by shortly after 9 PM, we were watching "Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles" together, which was okay, because he's also a Terminator" fan. Not to mention the fact that he and I both think Summer Glau is extremely gorgeous...

Pic of Summer for those wondering = Image

Anyway, after the show had finished, Roman wanted to make a comment on a character I'd created for our modernized "Dungeons & Dragons"-type game. It was still okay, as he was simply offering costructive, logical points with which I could use to improve my character. He explained it politely and I took it politely; no argument was had.

He'd mentioned to me, also, that, in all the time Jack, Roman and myself have played D&D, Roman told me that I have now done more for my created character than Jack has ever done, so that made me feel a little prouder that I being compared to Jack, but in a positive light.

The rest of the evening went okay, until approximately 11:00 PM. Roman had mentioned to me, although calmly, that he felt the way I was reacting to Jack's teasing was "immature and childish". (direct quote, by the way) Those of you who read what happened earlier know what I'm talking about, but he was mentioning that, while Jack was teasing, I was simply sitting there, according to him "pouting". I'd explained to him that I refused to say anything to him since all he was going to do was continue to irritate me, but Roman suggested that, the next time Jack irritates me like that, simply say, "Could you please stop? That's getting annoying." He said that "Hey, Jack may still keep doin' it, but at least you're the bigger man...no pun intended." (those of you who saw my picture in my introduction file can get what he meant by "no pun intended")

Roman had also mentioned to me that, according to both of them, even after we got back, I was "crabby and cranky". I'd mentioned to him that it was because of residual effects of Jack's teasing of me earlier, but Roman insisted that I "Say something, then! Tell us why you're feeling that way! Don't just sit there and pout like a little kid!" What he doesn't know is that both of them can be very unpredictable when I want to let my true feelings show (A long time ago, I'd told Roman I had this big secret that I never told anyone and I trusted him enough to tell him. I said I liked kids and wanted to have kids of my own...and he [/b]laughed[/b] at me. He later explained why he was laughing, but it took about a year for him to mention it when I brought it up again in another argument we had)

I'd asked Roman, "Let me ask you something. You go on and on about how Jack says that we're his two best friends, right?" Roman says, "Yeah?" And I continued with, "And you told me how Jack would be willing to lay down his life for us...take a bullet for us, right?" Roman says, "Yeah?" And I blew up at him and said, "Then where the Hell was any of that feeling when we were actually there?!?!?"

Roman simply explained that that's the way Jack is and there's nothing he can do about it. "Friends tease each other, that's what we do." Roman said. "He's done this to you before and you've never gotten this angry." I said to him, "Well, maybe it's just gone on long enough."

Roman had mentioned to me something about me being selfish (which can be true, sometimes I only think of myself, although they're little things...nothing huge) (one example of selfishness on my part according to Roman was that I reverse-alphabetized my DVDs (A was on the bottom instead of the top, so whoever's looking at them has to look from down to up instead of the reverse). I'd mentioned to him that, with the setup of my bookcase, I simply couldn't alphabetize them from A to Z without thinking of the alphabet backwards and that would have taken a much longer time.

I should mention that nobody else who visits has a problem with the way I have my DVD sets...it's just him.

Another example Roman gave of selfishness on my part was, about six months ago, Jack called me and wanted to get together. He'd popped by the area (so it was a complete surprise), but, little did he know, I was already online with my girlfriend (we have a long-distance relationship, so the Internet is the main way we communicate). He got mad and hung up. Roman explained that, to Jack, he was thinking, "Oh, you can't get together tonight because you're typing on the computer." I started to say something, but he cut me off and said, "That's really all you're doing is typing..." I'd explained to him that, since Jack's call was unplanned, I'd already made plans with my girlfriend

Just so everyone knows the background, she always comes first, compared to those two, unless Jack and I, Roman and I, or Jack, Roman, and I make plans beforehand, then I'll let her know when I find out so she's got plenty of notice.

Roman thought that was selfish of me to choose my girlfriend over hanging out with him. I thought to myself, "So my choices are spending time with someone who I have a wonderful time with...or spending time with two people who, when together, will most likely ambush me?"

Seemed like a no-brainer. lol

Roman had also mentioned to me that he noticed when I found out that we were staying, I'd said on the phone to my mom, "Unfortunately, yes." Roman thought that was extremely rude of me to say something like that (even though I was off in a more private area and, nonetheless, it was rude of him to listen in on my phone call). I'd explained to him that I was still angry at Jack for the way he was gloating (even though that was properly explained and I was wrong, it still bothered me that he could be that arrogant) and Roman understood, but he said I could have something to Jack about it. I'd explained to him that, in my present mindset at that time, the one thing on my mind was definitely not finding out why Jack was being such a gigantic pain.

Roman also had explained the fact that he was mentioning that my hand was in my pocket. I'd simply told him it was because of my belt being too tight. I started thinking, "I thought we resolved this...guess not." He kept asking me why I didn't just loosen it. I told him I never thought of it (which I hadn't; even when I had put my belt on recently, I never thought of loosening it). He'd explained that, since I don't go out as often as he does (he works, I don't, but I'm looking for steady employment), I don't have access to many of the things that he considers to be "common knowledge" among everyone.

I'd explained that the way he said it made it sound like he was better than me for knowing a solution that I never came up with and he simply (but not condescendingly, surprisingly) explained that that wasn't the case.

Roman insists that Jack still considers me a friend and wants me to call him and clear the air, but I honestly don't want to...if I wanted to clear the air with him, I would've done it by now. The fact of the matter is, I'd rather let him call me.

After we got that out of the way, the rest of the night was okay. He actually seemed like the friend I once knew, which was a nice change from his attitude earlier.

He left approximately 45 minutes ago and wanted to get together again this week (although what he doesn't know is that my weekends are completely dedicated to my girlfriend, as those are the only days she's completely off from work and we can talk for as long as possible then). He'd suggested Friday and I told him I couldn't. He said "What about Saturday?" I'd mentioned to him that I was busy all weekend. He said, "Okay, so we'll try for Tuesday." I said, "No problem."

So, if you guys and gals want to keep knowin' what's goin' on, I'll gladly keep posting. :-) It makes me feel much better getting this all out, even if it is just on a computer screen, and I'm truly blessed to have people like you giving me advice and suggestions on how to handle these issues.

Thanks for reading and take care! :D
Diapers4Ever
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Post by Diapers4Ever »

Roman came by last Tuesday (February 12th) and, surprisingly, no argument was had, but I'm still not completely comfortable with him being there since he tends to exhibit a Jekyll/Hyde type personality (A while back, if I said the words "job", "weight" or "school" [or anything in those areas], he would launch into a huge lecture). At first, I understood why he did it, but he just got worse and worse over the years.

One thing I've noticed about him is that he's seemed to be embarrassed to be seen in public with me. One example stems all the way back to the ninth grade (I was 14, he was 15 [having been born in January, he's a little older than me]). We were attending the same high school (after being split up for six years, having been forced to go to different schools) and I'd walked up to him and, completely out of nowhere, he said, "Look, I just want you to know that we're not gonna be hangin' around each other all the time." I was a little surprised, but agreed.

For those of you who have seen "Saved by the Bell", you'll get the next reference.

Having been a fan of "Saved by the Bell" as a kid, I was envious of the friendship Zack and Slater had and thought that, at that time, Roman and I were just as good of friends. I tried to teach him their handshake, but Roman couldn't pick up on it, so we came up with a shorter (and easier) version.

When we first saw each other in high school, I'd held out my hand to him to do the handshake, but he told me he couldn't do it because "People were looking".

However, Lucas and I have done it in public many times and nobody's batted an eye (I was even able to teach him the actual Zack/Slater handshake, as well as teaching Lucas' sister's boyfriend), so that just made me think Roman was embarrassed to be seen with me when he was with his "new friends".

I'm sure there are many other instances of Roman being a jerk, but unfortunately I can't think of anything just yet.
Diapers4Ever
Posts: 228
Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2007 11:25 pm
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Post by Diapers4Ever »

Another update for everyone who's still keeping up with this drama...:lol:

Lucas and I were takling about Roman and Jack and their negative treatment of me and I'd made it a plan to get them both out of my life forever, however, since Lucas, Roman, and I were all freinds at one time, Lucas felt he deserved another chance, so I told him I'd think about it.

Lucas was supposed to come over earlier with me and we were going to treat Roman to an intervention about the way Jack's personality has been influencing him, however Lucas couldn't make it so he wanted to reschedule it for next week.

Although, Roman came over Tuesday and, shortly before I asked him to leave (as I was becoming tired), he and I got into it.

I let him have it, bringing up several issues that have been irritating me.

Such as:
:arrow: The fact that, when I asked him to do the Zack/Slater handshake i 9th grade, he refused because "People were looking"

He explained that, maybe, on some level, he was trying to fit in.

:arrow: When him and I were in a department store, I was making clicking noises (I do that sometimes just for fun, I don't care who sees me) and he told me not to do it anymore because he was "embarrassed".

He explained that, at that time, to him, it was embarrassing, but he has since invited me out in public with him many times and I always say no (don't you just love how he turned it around on me? :roll:)

:arrow: His Jekyll/Hyde personality

He admitted that he does have one and he's been tying to hide Hyde, but sometimes, around me, it's hard as I do things that he gets extremely irritated with (I honestly can't think of anything, since I believe I treat him with the respect he deserves, no matter what).

:arrow: The fact that I felt his personality (and, consequently, our friendship) had changed since the ninth grade, presumably due to Jack's influence on him.

He explained that it wasn't the ninth grade, it was the eleventh. He also told me that it had nothing to do with Jack, he said that the reason for his personality alteration was because "he was trying to survive in high school", but I honestly don't know if I believe that. It's one thing to change your personality for high school, but to keep it around your supposed best friends?

That seems a little too much like a lie to me.

:arrow: Jack's negative treatment of me

He stated that that's just how Jack is and there's nothing he can do to change it. Although, I think I've pretty much eliminated Jack as he said "If you don't want to go to Jack's, that's fine, but I'll still go."

So I think I'm pretty much finished with Jack, which is good 'cause he was the biggest problem of the two. 8)

:arrow: Telling Roman that I felt Lucas was a better friend and that he should be treating me more like Lucas does

Roman said that he wasn't Lucas and he doesn't know how Lucas treats me. I said, "He treats me like a friend deserves to be treated. He doesn't lecture me, he doesn't pick on me, if he sees something's out of place, he accepts it and doesn't make a big deal about it." Roman explained that that's how he was and that "I've gotta take the good with that bad, 'cause that's what friendship is."

Although Lucas and I have had very few bad moments (definitely none as bad as moments between Roman and Jack and myself) and Lucas and I have been best friends for 15 years.

:arrow: The fact that Roman "lectures" me about finding a job, losing weight, and attending college

Roman explains that, on the job front, he just wants to see me do something with my life. He said that I'm in the exact same place I was ten years ago and that "I've got to grow up." (I was tempted to say, "No, I don't; ever heard of ABs?" :lol:) He never knew what I was up to because I never told him anything, and I said that, the reason for that, is lately he's such a blabbermouth, he'll just backstab me and tell Jack.

I'd explained to him, concerning my job, the last time I worked a steady job, Roman and Jack were bothering me about what to do with my money, which really irritated me, seeing as how it was my money.

Roman told me that the next time I get a job, he won't say anything about it, but, like the other things, I don't know if I can believe him.

Concerning my weight loss, I told Roman that the reason I haven't been working out as much as I used to was when I was happy with a result (for example, say I lost five pounds in a week) and I told him, he'd say "Good job, but you have to do more."

Like I don't already know that myself? :roll:

I'd explained to him that all I wanted was a simple "Good job, keep it up!" and he said that's his way of saying it. :roll:

Concerning college, I told him that I didn't want to jump into anything without knowing exactly what I want to do (as colleges are very expensive...:lol:) and he said that, in his experience, that's not a good idea.

:arrow: The issue of trust between Roman and myself

I told Roman that I remembered back last August when my girlfriend was coming up. Feeling that we were good enough friends again (since he was badmouthing Jack), I felt he deserved to know.

Then I find out from Jack that Roman told him.

I confronted Roman about this and he simply said, "Well, you didn't tell me not to say anything."

Although Roman knows that Jack and my girlfriend don't see eye to eye, but he went behind my back and told him anyway? Meanwhile, there are things Roman's told me about his personal feelings concerning Jack and I haven't said a single word to him about it (even though I am very, very tempted).

:arrow: The issue of stress caused to me by him and Jack

When I told Roman that, back in October of last year, my cousin was looking intently at my hair and had found a gray one.

Now, I'm 24, and I know that going prematurely gray does not run in my family, so I said to Roman, "What's another cause of gray hair?" He said, "Stress." I said, "That's right."

He jumped down my throat and said, "So I'm to blame for all the stress in your life?!?!" :roll:

Overreaction, much?

Although, with all that was said, I think we're okay...for now. We're never going to be as good of friends as we were and I've accepted that, and I know we're not going to have the kind of close friendship that Lucas and I share, but it just feels nice to get all of that out in the open finally...to him...and on here. :D

THanks for reading, everyone! :D Roman and I are supposed to get together next Tuesday, so I hope to have good news next time I update. :lol:
Diapers4Ever
Posts: 228
Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2007 11:25 pm
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Post by Diapers4Ever »

Well, I should've known Roman couldn't keep his mouth shut.

He'd come over again tonight at 8:47 PM (I love Caller I.D! lol) and stayed until approximately 12:30 AM (left just a few minutes ago, actually...hehe).

We had a good time when he first got here. We played some games, had some fun, and then shortly before he leaves, we get into a discussion about the fact that my mom is constantly being hounded by her jobs to work when she's not on the schedule. He said it was unfair of them (which I agree with), but then he said:

"Look at all the stuff you have. Look at all of the TV DVDs you own. Don't you think that if you had a job of your own, your mom wouldn't have to work so hard?"

I was honestly speechless 'cause I didn't know what to tell him. The fact is he knows I'm looking for a job and the reason I couldn't take the last one was because of two reasons:

1) I didn't have valid photo identification for them to use to run a criminal check (although, to be fair, I and my mother both think the job recruitment agency should've said something when I first started working with them)

and

2) I couldn't have taken the job because I was summoned to serve jury duty the next week and, even though it's illegal for my employer to make me work during this, I wouldn't have felt right taking the job and then saying, "Oh, I need the next week off" (Ironically, I was chosen to be on the jury, but they dismissed me because I was unemployed. lol)

Roman had made an observation saying, "You go to Best Buy with your mom...what...every two weeks or so?" I'd told him, "Yeah...so what?"

The funny thing is I'd mentioned to my mom when we were at Best Buy today that, if I had a job, I'd probably buy up most of the store. LOL (I love TV, movies, and video games...as if you can't tell by now. hehe) :-)

Anyway, that was really all that was said about that, then, a short while later (after we got off that uncomfortable subject), he left.

The interesting thing is that, about two weeks ago, him and I had talked about everything and cleared the air, but he's slowly starting to revert to the person he used to be (i.e. Jack's clone).

Just thought I'd keep you all updated if you were wondering what was up; take care, everybody!! :-)

HAPPY EASTER!! :-)
Diapers4Ever
Posts: 228
Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2007 11:25 pm
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Latest update in the Roman/Jack/Lucas drama (April 8th-9th)

Post by Diapers4Ever »

When Roman came over last week, he was picking on my TV-DVD collection so I said to myself, "Okay, since we've cleared the air, out of the times he's been here since then, he's picked on something in my life two out of three times.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I wrote up a letter that was approximately a page and a quarter and I was planning on reading it to him tonight.

I told him I wanted to talk to him about something and he came into the living room and sat down.

I pulled out the paper and began reading from it (my voice and demeanor was uneasy, simply because I was actually planning on ending the friendship with him), stating that, because he won't simply keep his nose where it belongs, I can't do it anymore and refused to keep this friendship afloat.

He had simply said that he refused to give up on it, no matter what I said (I should've just said, "Okay, if you refuse to leave, I'll call the cops.").

I had told him many times that the negative comments about things that were, simply put, not his business, even going so far as to say "We are not brothers, we are not cousins, and we aren't even related in any way possible. You're more like an outsider than anything else."

Basically what I was getting at was the only people I would tolerate negative comments about my life from was family, and he wasn't it (no matter how much he thinks it).

After endless hours of discussion and arguing, we finally reached a compromise.

Roman said to me that, before he shoots off his mouth, he'll ask me if I want to hear his opinion on the subject. I'll then ask if it's going to be a positive one or a negative one. Either way, positive or negative, I have the opportunity to refuse to want to hear it.

I agreed to that (after a long time of basically mulling it over) and said to myself, "Okay, he is basically giving us one more chance, so the ball is in his court now."

I'd called Lucas (my best friend) and told him about everything that happened and he's not holding his breath about this whole thing either. We're both just waiting for him to slip up.

After that had all happened, he finally left...that was about 20 after 4 in the morning. :roll:

I don't know how to feel about all this, but I do know that, no matter what, I can't ever trust him again (especially with his secret allegiance to Jack).

It's just a question of whether or not our friendship will survive. Personally, the main reason I agreed to his terms was to see how long he'd last. If we had ended it right then and there, it certainly wouldn't have been any skin off my nose.

Okay, that was the last update for now, gang! :D I'm going to bed now...:lol:

I ees vewy tiwed...:)
Diapers4Ever
Posts: 228
Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2007 11:25 pm
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Good news for everyone concerning Roman and myself :-)

Post by Diapers4Ever »

Good news for all who have been keeping up with this drama. :D

As of 3:46 AM, I have sent Roman an email terminating our friendship.

To avoid him accessing my accounts, I have changed all passwords (well, except for this site...lol), just in case :)

This was the message I had sent him

I was thinking about giving you a call and telling you this over the phone because I know there's no way I could have said any of this in person, but I also know that, since I would be using the phone, there would be an easy way for you to end the conersation, so this is unfortunately my only other outlet.

First off, as I have said several times before, we have had several wondefully great times together and, no matter what, I will never forget those. You were there for me when my uncle passed away, you were there for me when Sami caused those stomach pains to me, and you were there when Kimberly broke up with me, to which I am truly appreciative and, when I look back on our friendship, those are just a few of several moments that I will remember with great fondness. Moments like those make me realize that you, at one point, could show positive character traits of a kind and caring human being.

Since I have decided to give you another chance, I have certain suspicions that have clicked in my head, realizing as to why the night turned out the way it did, as I was ready to completely terminate our friendship.

I theorize that one of the reasons I decided to give you another chance was because of your mother's unfortunate health problem, due to the sympathy that I felt for you and your family over this. If you had not brought it up to me during the argument, I would never have had a moment of hesitation with my decision and I would have ended it with you permanently. Part of me believes that the reason I felt the need to give you another chance was because of that, and the other part of me believes that the reason I felt the need to give you another chance was because you had kept me awake until 4:30 in the morning, severely impairing my judgment (because, as you remember, at 1:00 AM, I was adamant about ending our friendship with you, even though you stubbornly refused).

I have made a revelation that, one reason you bought up your mother's health issue to me was (as far as I could see) to get me to drop my defenses (because, and maybe I'm wrong, it honestly seems very unusual that you would blurt it out in the middle of an argument), that was an utterly atrocious tactic on your part. I would honestly expect something like this from Steve, Austin...and even Jack, to an extent.

But not you.

That just proves to me that your personality has gone a complete 180 since you have been hanging out with Jack more and more. With that, I have come to the realization that you have since pretty well ceased to be the person that I once knew, because the person I once knew would never have brought up something so serious, as far as I can tell, to just get sympathy from me in an effort to continue our friendship (even when I have told you time and time again that I was dis-satisfied with the outcome of our friendship had turned out to be).

I am sorry about your mother, I truly am; you and I your family have my deepest sympathies and I hope everything works out. However you and I have suffered irreversible damage to our friendship and I am very sorry, but, no matter how long we try to stay friends, it can never be repaired.

I want you to know that, even though it may not look like it, I agonized over this decision and realized that, ultimately, I have to do what is best for myself.

Please do not call me, email me or come by the house. As far as you and I are concerned, I will treat you like I would treat any other citizen.

I hope, over time, you realize that this is truly for the best and that, one day, we can actually be civil to each other when our paths cross again.

As I finish this message to you, I want you to know that I have cherished the fantastic moments we have spent with each other over the last eighteen years. We have had so many wonderful times that I will never, ever forget. No matter what, our friendship will be in my memory forever.

Take care.

End of message

It's going to take a while for me to realize that we are no longer friends anymore, however, part of me wonders why, even though I was prepared for this, it still takes time to sink in.

However I will definitely not be backing down from my decision.

Without a doubt.


The good news is that, after all that, the 3 month and 6 day nightmare is finally over. :D

I feel terrible for not saying this in my post when I first posted it here, but I would like to extend a big huge "Thank you" to DommyMommyScarlet and MilkMommyLauren for their advice and taking the time to comment on my issues (I thank everyone else as well because I'm sure you all read through it at one time or another :)). :D

Thanks, everybody! :D Now that I feel a lot better emotionally, I can promise you're not gonna be seein' me posting on this particular board for a long...long...LONG while 'cause, as far as I can tell, Roman and Jack were the only two things making me mad in my life. :lol:

Oh, and one more thing...hehe :lol:

Did any "Days of our Lives" fans here get a little treat from this whole story? (I'm a "Days" fan and, while I was changing the names for the parties involved, I was watching the show. :D Jack, Roman, Lucas, Steve, Sami, Austin, and Kimberly are/were all characters from the show. :))
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